im gay
i know
yea but for you.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
My vagina is officially offended.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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