i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
