I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
