Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Randomize
