she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
