this beer tastes like vomit already
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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