everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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