Im at strip club and am horny
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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