i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
