how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
