i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
