You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
