AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
