I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
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