I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Randomize
