dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize