he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
sarcasm needs its own font
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Randomize
