Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
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