the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
