How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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