ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
A+ Viking dick
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Randomize
