So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I am naked and annoyed.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
