Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
I have peed in a lot of sinks
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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