Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
