The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
