I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
