I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
