I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
