Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
