Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
