Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize