Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize