how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
