he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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