Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Randomize
