I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
