Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Randomize
