make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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