meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
