I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
