I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
