Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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