he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
