Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
