I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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