Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
