she was so not down for the gang bang
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
