I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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