you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
