He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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