I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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