**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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