Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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