I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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