Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Randomize
