His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
