it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
