Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
