if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
