It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
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