moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Randomize
