why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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