He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
