I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
