Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
