I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Randomize
