Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
