I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
