Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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