Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I touched a dick in church today
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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