I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
