I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
