Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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