Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Randomize
