Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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