i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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