god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
