Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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