i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
