dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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