there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Randomize
