no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I just want to make out with him forever
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
