I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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