The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
