I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
