I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
